Truths

So there are some things you should probably know about me that I may not have told you.  Or anyone, for that matter.

1. I really only officially lived in Spain for 2 1/2 years.  The rest of the time, it was my parents who lived there.  I just visited on vacation from boarding school in Germany.
2. I did live near Bilbao though, that is definitely true.
3. I really don't speak four languages.  My French sucks.
4. I have never lived in Barcelona, or any part of Catalunya.
5. I can't keep friends because sometimes I feel like I don't want them.
6. I don't like "working" because I don't like the routine of getting up in the morning at the same time every day, leaving, being somewhere else for 8 hours, then returning home, only to do the same thing again the next day.
7. I like to think I'm good in languages, but in reality, I should probably find something else to do with my life.
8. I really don't feel confident in my translating skills.
9. I come off as pretentious to mask the fact that I'm incredibly, incredibly jealous of anyone and everyone who is in Spain/Europe while I am not.
10. I have been an FC Barcelona fan since 2008.  This isn't a "truth" in the sense that anyone familiar with my online "persona" knows this.  But what is "true" is that before that, I was an Athletic Bilbao fan, but mostly nominally.  Mostly because my family lived near Bilbao.  And because I thought Julen Guerrero was hot.  [And Pep Guardiola.]
11. I am a horrible friend, which leads me to believe that I am also a horrible person, because I push people away and don't feel bad when they stop talking to me.
12. And then I blame it on being ignored in high school.
13. Which was actually true.  I just let it affect me too much right now.  I graduated from high school six years ago.
14. The thing I miss most about high school was living near Basel, Switzerland and being on an airplane back and forth to Spain every couple months.  And going to Paris and Normandy for field trips, and Italy for a week for our senior trip.  And Salzburg, Austria for a choir trip.
15. I like to lord things like this over people a lot of times because I'm too insecure about who I am and what I do and know, and feel like my experiences will make people like me.
16. They don't.
17. And I end up not caring and just add it to my list of grievances I have against the world.
18. I basically try to make my passport define me.
19. And sometimes...like this post...I think that by posting all the things that I think are wrong with me I will garner sympathy from people.
20. Is it working?
21. I really am messed up.