This song actually caused me to have a bit of an emotional breakdown this morning, something that rarely happens (but it's the second time in the last couple months, so I am starting to worry), mostly snowballing from the lines "itzuli den etxera", which in Basque means "returning home".
"Returning home"
Those two words, repeated over and over again at the end of the song, started a chain reaction that got me to thinking about the people, or lack thereof, in my life. The fact that my two best friends are on opposite sides of the globe with me in the middle, the fact that one of them is going through a tough situation with her family and the other who has a boyfriend in Madrid who she never gets to see (and who I've never met). The fact that I haven't been in a situation to be able to just call up my best friend and say "Hey, want to hang out?" or to have a literal shoulder to cry on since the middle of 2000 (yes, that's 11 years).
It just makes me feel so helpless, so useless. The internet's done a great job at bringing me closer to these people because I'm able to chat with them, but as anyone can tell you, it's just not the same as having someone down the street or across town you can call up and meet up with each other at a given spot at a given time. I have to wait to visit my friends till I have money, or till they can come visit me, and it's been over a year since I've seen both of them.
And with this it got me thinking about my social life, and the fact that I haven't had a solid social life since possibly high school, and even that it was debateable because I didn't really have any close friends in high school either. I just have to wonder if I really will be alone, on a physical level, forever. Because it's been so long since I haven't felt utterly alone I don't know if I'll be able to handle not being alone.
And it's terrifying.
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